I'm trying to think

Viral about virals

The theory of unevolution

Creationism is on the rise, this anti-science is being taught in more and more schools – which got me thinking along a Darwinian theme. If the teaching of science is unevolving (the real word is dysgenics) I wonder what else is unevolving - i.e. standing still or going backwards? Here’s my top 10.

1. Religion. Whether it’s the Middle East or middle America, everyone is getting more fundamental and more literal in their beliefs. You can’t draw Mohammad Cartoons , you can’t teach evolution but it’s okay to teach creationism – the scientific equivalent of 2 + 2 = 5. Isn’t believing in God enough? Is your faith that fragile that you have to believe every single word in the Bible too? It’s a metaphor! It’s the only way ancient people could explain complex systems – a bit like explaining email to your Nan – there isn’t really a small man who runs around in a pipe delivering small letters to your computer.

2. Food packaging. It doesn’t work. Plastic ring pulls on the top of milk cartons don’t work if the plastic holding the cap onto the carton is stronger than the plastic used to make the ring pull! This is a step backwards in civilisation – I’d rather get my milk in a clay pot. And condiment sachets – at the risk of breaking into an unfunny Seinfeld routine – whoever thought they were a good idea? If you manage to get into a sachet of ketchup, it contains enough sauce for one chip. What was the matter with a bottle of Ketchup? It didn’t need unevolving. (Not to be confused with putting cheap sauce in expensive bottles.)

3. Transport. Unless you’re walking or cycling, it’s impossible to get anywhere in London these days. I heard a stat once that the circle line averages 13 miles an hour – that’s slower than a horse and cart. We are still using a Victorian tube network, flying used to be fun and cool – now it’s a harrowing experience where you spend more time in the airport than you do in the air. And roads. Blocking residential side roads in cities is not a great way to get people moving. See number 4 for cars.

4. Cars. Remember when Mini was the people’s car, VW made small affordable cars that took up no more space than was necessary. Cars may have evolved in terms of technology, but in terms of survival of the fittest (the best fitted to it’s environment) they’ve unevolved. If you are hit by a 4 x 4 – you die. 4x4’s use up more resource than they need to in time of resource shortage. In evolutionary terms, cars should be tiny, single person capsules that run on religious wrath or some other abundant resource.

5. Food. “The mineral content of milk and popular meats has fallen significantly in the past 60 years.” Portoins are getting bigger whilst nutritional value is going down. A McDonalds/Burger King/Kentucky is the culinary equivalent of a 4x4.

6. Bottled water. We have taps! Turn them on and water comes out. Why all the trips to the lifestyle well? It’s a step backwards. What next, people carrying water around in large pots on their heads?

7. Films. Is it just me or are most films rubbish? The bar is lower than ever and the industry seems ever more driven by profit and marketing rather than content. Does the world need 3 Pirates films, another Vince Vaughn film, another remake of a 70s movie or TV show? The technology and spectacle might be evolving but the ideas and content that drive the movies are increasingly lame. Let's take Jerry Bruckheimer round the back of the barn and put him out of his misery (metaphorically speaking of course.)

8. Society. We all hear about the growing gap between rich and poor. Whatever happened to a sense of fairplay and equality? It seems morally acceptable to own 5 houses, 3 yachts and a helicopter - especially if you've "worked" for it (built a company and sold it.) What about all the cleaners who work 14 hours a day? Does society exist or are we just a bunch of individuals clambering over each other to get a bigger slice of the 'me pie'?

9. Environmentalism. CO2 is still rising in spite of everything we know about global warming. What next, force feeding obese people with lard or maybe fire fighters should start using petrol to fight fires? You know what they say, if you don't laugh, you'll boil alive in your in own 4x4/executive saloon emissions.

10. Blogging. I remember when people had something to say. It wasn’t just random snips of what they did today or saw on the way to work. Perish the thought that people just start putting up lists of stuff. Give people technology and they’ll find a way to make it ordinary…

Remember, an Elk isn't just for Christmas...

...if you're lucky there'll be some left over for boxing day. Altogether now, "On the first day of christmas my girlfriend gave to me a small can of processed Elk meat."

Eli went to the Finnish Church yesterday with her Finnish friend Maria. It must be the only Church in the country with a sauna (click English at the top and then click Services in the menu.) In this menu you'll also find a link to their Christmas Bazaar, which is where Eli had been.

She came back with Pickled Herring, Pilchards, Cheese and of course Elk Meat. Christmas really has come early in the Baylis-Beaumont household.

But seriously, what a great thing - why do only Finnish people know about this? Forget the implications about why are expat communities stronger than native communities? Or what the Church of England can learn from this? I just want a go in the Sauna.

Surely, there must be loads of places like this all over London that we are missing out on - does the Polish church in Kings Cross have a Vodka Bar in the basement we don't know about? Multi-culturalism has a lot to offer, let's all get out there this Christmas and mix it up - get your presents from your local community and give the West End a miss.

Made me laugh

Saw this on Jim's moblog - it made me laugh a lot.

Sodoku

It seems that Sodoku is still popular and the raft of free papers are playing to the commuters' hunger for more and more puzzles. Although it's clearly not to everyone's taste.

Dog Racing

We had a work outing to Wimbledon dogs a few weeks back, I found this picture on my phone and it reminded me of how utterly fleeced we all got by the likes of the guys in the picture. The favourite never won, and the dog that no one backed romped home. I'm sure it was just coincidence and had nothing to do with which trap they were put in or how much they'd eaten 2 minutes before walking onto the track.

10 ways to improve London Transport

Rather than just rant and complain about Meltdown Monday as the papers dubbed it, I thought I’d come up with 10 ways to improve London Transport and make getting to work, and getting around at the weekend, easier.

1) Hold a design competition for a new Route Master which people can still hop on and off the back of, in much the same way that the Mini and the Beetle were redesigned. It would be great to end up with something modern and classic to replace the awful buses that clog up London.

2) Have a Public Manager for each tube line whose job depends on weekly results, like a foot ball team manager. Plus it will also give us a focus for our wrath when it all goes wrong.

3) Make going across the outside of London easier. At the moment, if I want to go from Finsbury Park to Hampstead, I have to go into London, to come back out. At the weekend, I will hop in my car or get on my bike to do this because it’s so much easier than trying to go around the outside. Run more buses, make the Silver Link (aka the Silver Stink) run properly, or have a network of walks like the Parkland Walk.

4) Have a service where I can sign up for text messages alerts that give me a rundown on my regular journey. So at 7.45 every morning I get a text telling me about all 4 sections of my journey to work. If there are problems, I can plan ahead, or maybe work from home for the morning until it calms down.

5) Sort out the cycling in this city. Take a leaf out of New York’s book and have a nicely paved cycle paths running right through London and if anyone parks in them, tow them away. Currently bikes share lanes with buses half the time – if ever there were two vehicles that weren’t meant to share the same space…

6) Trams are making a come back finally. I’m still not convinced that white vans won’t park in their way, but it’s a great start.

7) Make people stagger their travel times. Obviously in office life people need to start at similar times, but having everyone on the move between 8 and 9 in the morning is nuts. How about making half of us travel between 9 and 10 every other day, and visa versa. Maybe it could be run on surname system where A-Ms travel early one day, whilst N-Zs all go after 9am.

8) Make the River buses a real part of London life. At the moment, they have a novelty value, but how many people really use the river buses.

9) Enforce car pooling where you can’t bring a car into a city unless it has at least 3 people in it. I’m trying to introduce this at my office. Currently only the directors are given parking spaces which means driving is seen as a right rather than a privilege. How about this, you’re only allowed a parking space if you have at least 3 people in the car. No passengers, no space!

10) Redefine what our roads are for. Are they just for cars and traffic or should they be extended public spaces which people can use for recreation, markets, or just walking – without being harassed by cars and fumes. Like when Battersea bridge was closed outside our office - there was a lovely social vibe as people walked across it in a quiet carnival of street reclamation.

Eli's latest painting

Here it is, Eli's latest painting. It's taken pride of place on our living room wall. It's great to see her moving out of her comfort zone and pursuing ideas she's had for some time. You can really see the progress she's making and I can't wait to see the abstract work she's planning next.

Post for Jim

I met up with Jim today, one man maestro that is agitprop. I couldn't be bothered to find a picture of him, so I googled his name and found this picture of dog handler Jim Holt instead. I suggested that Jim give blogging a go and said that a good place to start and great person to learn from was Russell Davies, blogger extraordinaire. Others worth looking at are American Copywriter, about much more than just copywriting (and America.) Also worth a look is Malcom Gladwell's blog, just because he's so smart.

One of my favourite things for inspiration at the moment are the Ted Talks podcasts. Download the lot, watch, learn and dream of being as original as the people who do these wonderful talks. Sir Ken Robinson is a good place to start, his views on creativity and education are simple, hilarious and amazing all at the same time. Actually, they're all great.

And if you want to see what Eli's been painting, check out my post on her latest work.

Latest work

Here's a site for Sony PSP I've been concepting and writing for the past few weeks. I'm quite pleased with it, the scripts are funny in places, it's nice to play with and you actually learn something about the PSP without realising you're being taught stuff. Hope you like it.